Dear Love Doctor, I have a boyfriend I have dated for the last two years.
However, he seems unserious and I am starting to fear he may dump me and
leave me in tears.
Oh, sorry about that my dear sister. Meanwhile, identifying signs that he is using you can save you from a lot of trouble in the future. Additionally, knowing the signs that he is using you can help you take accurate measures and avoid emotional breakdown later in the relationship. Falling in love is a thrilling experience that gives you butterflies, but it may not always go your way. Not all relationships are constructive and it is always better to realize that he is just using you. You may want to make him happy but it is never enough. Here are some of the tell-tale signs that the guy you call dear may just be using you.
Let’s get going;
You are his secret; You haven’t met any of his inner circle, and he doesn’t post about you on social media, not even simple stories of coffee dates. If he tries to keep you to himself and doesn’t want the world to know about you both, it is a clear indicator that he is using you. Most probably, you will be left with a broken
heart if the relationship continues.
When your man closes himself off and doesn’t open up to you; You want to give him the benefit of the doubt and suppose that he’s just shy. But as day follows night, you never really get to know about his plans or his friends or his life. He doesn’t seem like he wants to share anything with you.
He doesn’t want you to understand him deeply; He talks to you about sports, and politics, but you catch yourself looking for something more meaningful and personal. You find yourself revealing more and more about your life in the hope of getting the same insights, but it feels like he’s not into it. If he can’t have an honest conversation with you and voice out relationship concerns actively, then the bottom line is you should reconsider this relationship.
If he doesn’t care about how you feel; If he seems distant and cold, then he isn’t the one, and you can be sure about that. An innate understanding is necessary to build an intimate and meaningful relationship. It is the little details that count, and it is important to know about your partner to make things work in the long term, after the initial interest has faded.
If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends; It is a sign he is not interested in a serious relationship. If you have been together for a couple of months and he hasn’t introduced you to his circle of friends, and you know very little about his personal life, it is a major red flag.
Avoids discussing commitment with you; Being scared of commitment or not wanting something serious is normal, but refusing to discuss it definitely means he has an ulterior motive and is just leading you on. If you are not looking for something casual, get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Expects too many favors from you; Does he always need something from you?
And do you always end up picking up the bill? If so, he’s definitely not in love with you. He might say he loves you , but actions always speak louder than words. If he always asks favors from you, or if you feel you are the one doing things to make him happy and he doesn’t reciprocate, he might be in the relationship only to
fulfill his personal needs.
He is selfish in the bedroom; Every relationship requires a balance. If you feel he’s just having sex and not making love to you or there’s no emotion involved, it’s a genuine problem. Maybe this can be solved if you reach out to him with good communication and some guidance. But if not, you know where you stand. Don’t
let him put his own selfish needs before yours. Physical affection is an important part of any close and intimate relationship.
If he doesn’t make you feel special; Are you the only one who’s putting in the effort to make things work? If so, you are in a one-sided relationship. If he treats you like he treats everyone else, and you feel like a colleague or a roommate, and nothing changes when you express your valid reasons and concerns, you may be in a wrong relationship.
If he doesn’t show physical affection; There’s no physical intimacy and conversations about needs and wants. He doesn’t really engage in foreplay and doesn’t seem very interested in pleasing you. You also begin to realize that you don’t see him doing nice, thoughtful things. Have an honest conversation as it
could just be that they express love differently, but don’t be shy to demand what you need.
If he doesn’t care about your dreams and goals; One of the most important things that make a relationship work is to have similar values. While career, family, and ambitions are all crucial, if all he cares about are his dreams and personal growth, without taking your dreams and goals into consideration, he is using you. You will struggle to grow with him, and your relationship may feel toxic or stagnated in such circumstances.
He doesn’t text back or try to get to know you; Cute text messages and online conversations are important to every relationship. However, you find that your conversations have died down and you never made it past the second date. It’s not that he’s busy, but he seems to be genuinely uninterested.
He doesn’t express his emotions; If he doesn’t tell you he loves you or express it in his deeds, it is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Moreover, it is difficult to establish a strong bond if your true feelings are never reciprocated. While it is only fair to give your partner the benefit of the doubt here, you should
still consider your compatibility. You only see him when he needs you; Being there for each other during the highs and lows plays a significant role in establishing a serious relationship. It is solid proof of the special bond that you share with your special someone. However, if he calls all the shots and decides when you do what, taking your time and decisions for granted, it is an awful sign that he is using you, and you should make a prompt decision to be or not to be with him, as it can make you question your self-worth.
He regularly threatens to leave you; Does he seem to want to break up all the time? If he’s using you, he may make you chase him all the time and ditch your plans last minute. If you never feel secure in your relationship, and he always justifies his actions, you may have to reconsider your priorities and take a call on
whether you want to be with such a person. Irrespective of the situation, you are always to blame; Every fight turns into a blame game . Even when he is in the wrong, it will be interpreted as your fault. Its extremely cumbersome and exhausting. In an intimate relationship, it is you and your partner versus the problem instead of you versus your partner. If he tries to win every argument, they are not the one for you.
A relationship that does not have mutual love and respect for one another is not a good one. A relationship should be well balanced on both the partners needing each other and feeling incomplete without the other. Talk to your partner and discuss your apprehensions with them. If your guy shows any signs of using you, you must step back and give your relationship a thought. If necessary, you may also consider taking help from a counselor or Love Doctor. It is not advisable to continue in a relation that you feel is not progressive.